I was Scared
by cool-kitsune
Summary: Jecht reflects upon how scared he was in leaving Auron to become the Final Aeon.. rated for language and YAOI.


I Was Scared  
  
Author's Notes: My first try for a yaoi FFX Fic!! (JecthxAuron) I hope you guys like it. This takes place in Zanarkand, ten years ago. Jecht thinking about Auron. This is also a one-shot. Really short..  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Jecht's POV  
  
I looked at you, standing so stiffly, hell yeah, as always. Hell, you were so worried about Braska, about him dying and stuff. I could've laughed my head off.. You were scared, dammit, to lose Braska, the one to whom you offered your damn life to.  
  
I told you, I was never scared, that I ain't afraid of anything. Hell yeah, that was lie. A goddamn fucking lie. You just laughed at it all and said, "This pilgrimage will show just how tough you are, Jecht." Hell.. yeah it did. It showed that I was weaker than I thought, far too arrogant for any man.  
  
Yeah, at the start of the pilgrimage, I ain't scared of anything. I ain't afraid of fiends, Sin, people, Al Bhed, warrior monks, damn crusaders, machina, and even you. I could always remember that I'd taunt you and you'd threaten to chop my head off.. I'd always laugh it away 'cause I know you wouldn't.. He he.. but I never got my head cut off 'cause I'm still here, staring at you, thinking about stuff.  
  
But now, we're in Zanarkand seeing strange things like Summoners and their guardians going through here. I wondered if we could be shown here someday. Hmm.. that would make us famous, don't ya think? Well I am already famous.. well, not in your "Spira" of course..  
  
Anyhow, I was never scared until now.. until I decided to become the Fayth for the Final Aeon.. I was scared.. I won't be able to see you again.. maybe.. I'll miss your goddamn scowl and that face of yours, ya know? Maybe I'll still see you, me going to be Sin and all..  
  
Before I leave this damn world, I wanna recall all those things that happened between the two of us. Well, umm.. I could still remember when we first met you.. man, my heart began beating so fast.. so fast I couldn't breath.. Yevon, (or so you Spirans call it) you were so damn beautiful. It was weird.. for a man like you to have attracted me so much.. I have a wife and kid, I tried to tell my self.. but you.. you were.. you were the best ever. Heck, I don't know what I actually loved about you.. but I just know these feelings are for real.. though I am a man.. and you're also a man.. whatever..  
  
I remember also on our way to that Ronso Mountain.. was it Mt. Gagazet? Err.. we were at the Calm Lands right? We were alone in camp.. you were so.. I don't know.. somehow you looked so depressed and sad and stuff.. I haven't seen you like that. You were concerned about Braska, right? Yeah, I could tell..  
  
I wanted to cheer you up, or at least let you forget about the things you were thinking of.. but I had nothing to say.. I was speechless.. But then, I found the somehow right words. 'Hey man," I told you. "Don't act as if someone's gonna die.. Loosen up a little, will ya? Cheer up!!" Hell, I was wrong, Braska was going to die.. I haven't thought of that 'cause you never told me about it..  
  
You just stayed silent and I could tell you were trying to hold back tears. HA! A man, as stiff and cold as you, cry?! I'd die to see that.. but there you were.. trying to hide all the pain from me.. hiding the truth from me..  
  
"Auron," I had said. I leaned closer to you and after a while our lips met. I closed my eyes and knew yours were wide form shock. You didn't respond or push me away.. which hurt me much more.. I pulled apart from you..  
  
"Aren't you mad? I kissed you, man!!! I love you!" I told you.. You just looked at me with all the pain on your beautiful face.  
  
You looked down on the ground and told me, yes, you loved me , but you didn't want our relationship to be more than friendship.. You said you have to protect Braska 'cause your whole life is for him, for nobody else.. I was pained but you said sorry and you told me you hoped I'd understand.. Of course I did.. I'll always do.. That was the night of our first kiss and also the last. That was the night of rejection for me, but my love for you never faded.  
  
And now, here I am, telling you that I'll think of a plan somehow.. to keep Braska alive.. I went in that door with Braska and I know you felt hurt that both your friends are going to leave you.. But I just know we'll see each other again.. Yes.. I know I was scared to lose you but.. oh well, I know I'll see you again.. In this "Farplane" in that Guadosalam. Well, maybe even sooner..  
  
Hell, I'm sorry I was arrogant for telling you I ain't afraid of anything.. But at that moment I was more afraid than anyone else.. I love you, Auron.. good-bye.. and till we see each other again..  
  
~*~*~*~END~*~*~*~  
  
Well umm.. I'm sorry if Jecht was a little OOC.. Well umm.. yeah.. good- bye!! 


End file.
